Sad Old Songs

by Arran Fagan

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After a hard year I found myself picking up the pieces of my mind; dealing with a break up, defining my relationship with alcohol, discovering what the definition of home means, and trying to find my place in the crowd. A dark year dealing with an addictive personality, newness, depression, living in close quarters, and delving into the meaning of life led me to writing these songs as a catharsis, a way to understand what was going on around me. The year morphed from the worst year of my life into one of the best; playing shows, getting a fulfilling job, traveling and living in Japan during the summer, defining who I was as a person. Growing up has been a process of dealing with the internal, reacting to the external, and finding a balance through it all.

This record is very personal to me; it was recorded in four days with the incredible Evan Kunze; each song produced by the way of gut instincts to enhance the lyrics and overall song, but also with no time to overthink. Each song was an attempt to understand what was going on in my life during the past year. From the song Like the Good Ones do, about recognizing my addictive personality and how a bad relationship with alcohol can be demining to a creative process. The song Westward from Eden is about being stuck in life and finally realizing it. The song Driving with my home in a hatchback is about heading home after being away for a long time and not knowing what is waiting there, a place which once held so much meaning turning into a memory, no longer a physical place. Sad old Songs is about being fed up with being pissed off, depressed, and tired, it was written to pull myself up onto my own two feet. Here is my Record Sad Old Songs. Thank you so much for listening, it means the world.



released February 26, 2016

All songs written by Arran Fagan
Recorded, mixed, mastered, and Produced, by Evan Kunze
All Photographs by Joel Simard
Artwork by Cece Martin



all rights reserved


Arran Fagan Portland, Oregon

Arran Fagan is a singer-songwriter from Medford, and is currently residing in Portland, Oregon.

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Track Name: Westward from Eden
As I traveled westward from Eden
Came to a sight in the road
All the cigarettes and glass, and all the fire burning ash
It filled my mind and heavy’d in my soul

The Birch held the wreckage like a lover
Warm and true with its embrace
Must have held on through the night, burning fire and its life
Until the sun could come shine and take its place

The Birch stood charren from the outside
With its intentions holding true
Died that very night amongst the silver in the light
Sent a shiver I welcomed and I knew

And I knew that it was me
Though I did not know till now
And I knew that I would die
If I did not leave this town

There’s no problem with being a martyr
If in the name of something true
But what if that you think is something hiding in your drink
And it truly, does not believe in you

This thought captured in my mind now
Drove me from Garden to the Road
As I straightened down the line, leaving the omen from my mind
In the rearview, the couple drenched in gold

And I knew that it was me
If I did not take control
And I knew that I would die
If I did not let you go

And the twilight was worn and frayed thin
Showing crimson patchwork skies
Somewhere down the line I left a little piece behind of everything I ever did know

And I knew that it was me
As if waiting for the call
And I knew that I would die
Yes I knew that I would die
Oh I knew that I would die
If I did not lose it all
If I did not lose it all.
Track Name: California Long
I’m in here trying to build myself some silence
Got my books and this solitary wind
Listening to a song that’s California Long
In the background, while my thoughts spin

Been hours of hearing from the neighbors
Bleeding in this cell I share
Voices all around, I’m slowly-losing ground
With all my passions, thoughts, and fears

And I know that I need this
Is why I’m here I guess
But the better part of me is leaving so I see, and I feel it heavy in my chest

And all these valleys that I’ve conquered
With my pen, a Prophecery sword
It’s all in my mind, and I’m just doing time
Until those mountains loom once more

And down in this valley of a city
With flashing lights and all night signs
I love the busy streets but truly what I need
Is just a moment with my mind

And I know that I need this
Is why I’m here I guess
But the better part of me is leaving so I see, and I feel it heavy in my chest
And I can’t find it in the daytime
Just a moment before dawn
While listening to a song that’s California long
And when it ends the world turns on
Track Name: Were You a Good Man?
One day you will die, peaceful be found
Laid in a cardboard box and be burned, or be buried
You wont give a damn what happens you see
You wont be an essence; unconscious, peaceful and free, still be dreaming

Were you a good man or could you have done more?
Or were you just a fool, laughed at, not adored?
Or were you all of this?

Oh can your mother be rightfully proud?
Can your father know it was worth all He’s been through?
And that was a lot

Oh can you stare your brother in the face
And tell him that all of your words were just cause you’re caring?
Little too overbearing

And oh did your friends call you on your bullshit?
Were you happy because they did?
Cause it mean’d that they listened
And paid attention

And I know it’s a lot, so you act like a child
This world brings you in but it sure kicks you out
This life is worth living the first time around
Even if it breaks your heart
Track Name: Like The Good Ones Do
I once knew a man; He was dignified and true,
And in a certain circumstance He kind of looked like you
But I can tell that you aren’t listening, just staring right on through

He always did the best He could, but his poems brought him down
Always about the love He’d had, and how she left his town
He died young, with the bottle, just like the good ones do
And man, you know if you aren’t careful that could be you

You feel it in your bones, confess under candlelight
When you called me on the phone, panicked in the night
You were five or six deep, and realizing this was your life
Getting tired of forgetting, and not getting it right

There was something that you said, while we were on the phone
Out stranded in the crowd, feeling all alone
You told me the story about the Love who first said you were sick
Endless years of self-medicating could not fix it

So are you gonna hold the weight of the world just like your Dad?
Or are you gonna fight the war? That raging river of amber ale
And pearling Irish cream, which makes you go insane

When staring in a mirror, are you shameful or true?
Not a poet but an addict is staring back at you
You once found grace between the moments
With that magic pulsing through your veins
Now my friend, until that haze has lifted, it won’t feel the same
Track Name: Driving with my Home in a Hatchback
As I’m traveling from this northern land
On the backs of your hands
They won’t move, for still they’ll stand
Your love is guiding me back home

On the I-5 south it’s been an hour
Weather’s really turning sour
Wind is howling and rain is pouring
As I’m traveling back home to you at home

Sometimes I just need to get away
And these nameless towns I’ve found are good for that
But I wish you could come too, I’ve always wanted you
Driving with my home in a hatchback

Sun rose gold as I left with dawn
Dialed in those radio songs
They sing of love and how it’s gone
Oh my loves still at home

And I’m drinking coffee to pass the time
My hands they shake, my head it’s fine
As I travel down those county lines
Wondering if my love is still home

Sometimes I just need to get away
And these nameless towns I’ve found are good for that
But I wish you could come too, I’ve always wanted you
Driving with my home in a hatchback

My love is in your heart
My home is in your tender open arms

And I’m all worn out from the road
These sins I stich in this life I’ve sown
I’d be a fool to say that I have grown
For I still believe that you are home
Track Name: What I've Come to Know
Tell me I’m leaving as a lover, for that feeling I do know
It will hit me in my chest, and I’ll know it for the best
To have had the chance to know

And call me before the dawn is breaking
If you think t’was mistake
For when that light shines through, Ill have already left you
Down the next road I will take

And you’ll gather round the prophets, which you hold true
The ones who comfort you at night
And what you’ll come to know, they are human and they’ll grow
Same as I

And they’ll croon you softly back to sleep now
Let the needle take its course
When the records at its end, your mind will faintly spin
Voice of past, hate, love, remorse

And you’ll curse me, just as I have cursed at you
We follow patterned routine
But what has come of this? A hypocritics kiss
We fall far from what we mean

Here in this frame where I have left you
Here you’ll stay inside my mind
For I will never know, what is going on below
We aren’t living the same life

And friend, if I can call you a friend
For I’ve treated you unkind
But you broke my heart and I need a new start
And far away I did find
My memories erased and this song here shall replace
It still plays from time to time
What I’ve come to know is you are human and you’ll grow
All in due time
I forget you’re the same as I
Track Name: Sad Old Songs
Well I’ve been sad for way too long
Running out of sad old songs
I’m a running, running out of misery
Falling in love with all my vices,
Listening to my friends advices
And loving everything I see

And I don’t care what you even think
I’m just trying to do the best for me
For the first time in a while I think,
Has dried this sea of misery
Oh this music will carry me

Went looking for love and oh I found one
And she’s a damn good great one
Lover, won’t you be mine?
And we’ll travel the globe in search of stars,
From planes, trains, and cars,
And travel by foot down the countryside

And I don’t care what you people think
I’m just trying to do the best for us
For the first time in a while I think,
My heart’s been shaken from the dust
Oh this music will carry us

And these dark days, they’re behind me
And I think that I am safe,
For I’m in a real great place

And I’m
Feeling good and that’s for sure,
Making me want more, to be the very best I can
And I will come back home to you
When the day is through
And be there very best man I am

And I don’t care what I even think
I’m just trying to feel this one out
For the first time in a while I think,
My heart’s no longer down and out
Oh this music has helped me out
Oh this music has helped me see
Oh this music will carry me